35287 | 26 Feb. 2026 | 15:14

Bulgarian women cannot express their needs and reach orgasm much less often than women in Western European countries, according to Okoliyski, a certified sexologist

In an interview with Offnews in 2020, a sexologist specializing in education states that it is difficult to make generalizations whether Bulgarians are more romantic or more pragmatic in their sexual relationships, as there are different attitudes. According to him, many people are driven by emotions and do not apply enough rational practices for protection and optimization of their sexual lives, which, according to him, is reflected in unfavorable statistics for sexually transmitted infections and unwanted pregnancies.

"One could talk about a low sexual culture. In my opinion, the reason for this is the heavily restricted opportunity for gathering information and making choices during the socialist era, as this was a taboo topic. Apart from the book "The Man and the Woman" as an intimate guide that circulated among people, there was no way for a person to get educated," says Okoliyski.

"He expresses the opinion that after the political changes, the society was flooded with diverse information, without a clear distinction between reliable and deceptive sources: 'Nobody knew what really works, what is meaningful, what is a lie. The huge opportunity to introduce sexual education in schools was missed, in order to create true objective knowledge and competence in the area of sexuality, not just based on trial and error. Because it also includes sexual education. Nowhere and under no circumstances has this happened systematically in these years."

Mihail Okoliyski remarks that in Bulgaria there is a lack of representative studies on sexual behavior, which according to him is a serious omission and hinders the objective assessment of attitudes and practices." According to his observations, Bulgarians do not significantly differ from other Europeans, but the lack of sexual culture and knowledge about the differences in needs and experiences of partners remains a problem. "There are observations that in Bulgaria, women, due to the patriarchal culture or some misconceptions, cannot express their needs and much less often reach orgasm compared to women in Western European countries. Additionally, due to a lack of clear understanding of sexual boundaries, everything happens very spontaneously, resulting in extramarital relationships that lead to the breakdown of families. Not to say that this does not exist in the West, but there is a lack of this element of sexuality that threatens to overwhelm both young and middle-aged individuals." The problems are not verbalized in the couple, sex is not talked about and it happens spontaneously for the man or the woman to start a parallel relationship at their workplace for example, which could lead to disclosure and thus to the breakdown of the titular relationship.

In the interview, he stresses that compatibility between partners requires experimentation, sharing of needs, and constant work on the relationship. According to him, the sex life should not be left solely to spontaneity, but should be developed through mutual understanding, diversity, and attention to the needs of the other. Oktayski draws parallels with education, noting that both professional development and personal relationships require continuous learning, readiness for change and improvement in order to avoid future conflicts: "What not only applies in the realm of sexuality, but also in many other areas, educational and professional, is that one must constantly be learning. A person, upon graduating from university, does not stop educating themselves. The same goes for human relationships. One should be able to open their mind to new things, work on themselves, improve, and continually learn in order to achieve more effective individual functioning. Because, if you are not willing to change, while your partner wants to, this can lead to a conflict that could divide you over time.

One could speak about a low sexual culture." The reason, according to me, is in the heavily robbed opportunity for gathering information and making choices from the time of socialism, because this was a taboo topic. Besides "Man and woman" intimacy, as a book that was circulating among people, there was no source for one to educate themselves.

The current Health Minister commented that after the changes and the fall of the Wall and the arrival of democracy, Bulgarians were overwhelmed by an information flow that almost drowned them. "No one knew what was true, what was meaningful, what was a lie. The huge opportunity to introduce health education in schools was missed, in order to create objective knowledge and competence in the sphere of sexuality, not just trial and error. Because it also includes sex education. "Nowhere and under no circumstances has this happened systematically.

Okoliyski comments that there is a lack of sexual culture in order for a man to know the differences in the stages of sexual intercourse with a woman, in order to satisfy her. There have been observations that in Bulgaria, due to patriarchal culture or some misconception, women cannot express their needs and much less frequently reach orgasm compared to women in Western European countries. Additionally, due to a lack of clear understanding of sexual boundaries, everything happens very spontaneously, often resulting in extramarital affairs that lead to the breakdown of families. It's not to say that this doesn't happen in the West, but there is a lack of this wild sexuality that threatens to engulf both young people and those in middle or midlife crisis." The problems are not verbalized in the couple, sex is not discussed and often happens spontaneously - the man or the woman start a parallel relationship at their workplace, for example, which can lead to disclosure and ultimately to the breakdown of their primary relationship.

The sexologist expresses an opinion that for a lasting relationship with a partner, one should be open to new things: "On the other hand, everyone has the right to set their own boundaries - to say 'I cannot cross this line.' If, for example, the partner wants to have sexual relations with someone else and it is unacceptable for the other person, it can be a legitimate reason for a break-up. If there are other options, then things can work very well. In our culture, the man often holds the dominant role. The Health Minister commented: "There are things that are allowed to me which are not allowed to you" - small flirts or going out with friends. This is our patriarchal tradition. Gender equality means that what is allowed to one person, should also be allowed to the other. Otherwise, it would create a rift in the relationship. We still have a long way to go in this regard," commented the current Health Minister.

Okoliyski also emphasizes the need for young people to be trained in how to protect their personal desires and not give in to pressure, citing teenagers who refuse to start intimate relationships if they do not feel ready.

The interview also focuses on the psychological aspects of young people's love experiences, including the risks of strong emotional crises and the need for conversations about intimacy. According to him, open communication is crucial, even in cases where partners do not share satisfaction - honesty should be gradual and careful, in order not to hurt the other, but also not to lead to accumulation of dissatisfaction.

Okoliyski also notes that the lack of systematic sexual education and conflicting societal messages hinder the development of a more conscious intimate culture. According to his observations, educational conversations with young people help them overcome shame and build a healthier understanding of relationships - from the beginning of a relationship to maintaining it and even through separation without accumulating negative emotions.

In this part of the interview, Assoc. Prof. Mikhail Okoliyski draws attention to the influence of the Internet and easy access to pornographic content on young people. According to him, the lack of critical thinking can lead to distorted perceptions of intimacy and difficulties in real communication and flirting. He notes that excessive immersion in virtual spaces can create social isolation and unrealistic expectations towards one's partner, including in terms of appearance and sexual roles.

"Therefore, it's better if there is something, for example, not to the woman's liking, to be said not categorically, with an ultimatum tone, and for the decision not to be made in the moment, but step by step. For example, to adjust the duration of the sexual act so that it can satisfy both parties. Because most often the problem lies there - in a lack of synchronization and timing during sex.

A woman needs a long foreplay in order to become sufficiently aroused and to be able to finish during peno-vaginal contact." However, she often feels uncomfortable to ask her partner to stimulate her additionally when the penis is in the vagina, which with the different sexual positions is very easy and natural and could be a part of a fulfilling contact. She can be stimulated with fingers, tongue, or a sexual toy. The man could "hear" and accept it warmly as a part of enriching their sexual life."

Okoliyski points out that the topic of body complexes is often more sensitive for men than for women, as advertisements and societal influences amplify such concerns. According to him, confidence in the intimate life does not depend so much on physical characteristics, but rather on the behavior and communication between partners.

Commenting on long-term relationships, he emphasizes the risk of routine and highlights that small changes in the environment and gestures of attention can bring a new impulse to the relationship. According to him, sometimes even small household factors - lack of privacy or daily stress - can negatively affect intimacy, and overcoming them leads to improvement. He believes that in most cases, the reasons for problems are not medical, but psychological or related to the environment.

The interview also focuses on the role of positive communication - expressing commitment and leaving work stress outside the home. Okoliyski notes that some couples communicate most successfully through their intimacy and this can be the basis for a stable relationship if the partners work on it. According to his opinion, changing partners rarely solves accumulated problems; a more effective approach is to "restart" and build upon the existing relationship through conscious efforts and new experiences.

In this part of the interview, Assoc. Prof. Mihail Okoliyski explains that "restarting" the relationship often involves restoring the dynamics between partners. He believes that it is important to maintain individual freedom - social contacts, sports, personal interests - because it sustains mutual attraction and the feeling that the partner is not taken for granted. He notes that excessive restrictions, dictated by jealousy or patriarchal attitudes, can harm intimacy itself.

Okoliyski believes that diversity in intimate life is becoming more and more sought after, but it requires preparation and knowledge. According to him, the lack of sexual culture often leads to disappointment and wrong expectations: When asked "Has the Bulgarian man finally understood the role of the clitoris?", he responds:

"No. Not for the clitoris, nor for the G-spot, which is also a proven area, but is still a 'terra incognita' for many men and women. The duration of sexual intercourse is also important. What happens if you finish before the woman, and she hasn't had an orgasm yet? Do you turn to the other side and fall asleep? What do you do? What are your next steps?"

The expert also notes the increasing activism of women in expressing their own needs, including seeking consultations. In couple therapy, according to him, problems are viewed comprehensively – as a part of a broader context that includes work, family environment, and communication patterns. Sometimes non-conventional approaches are applied, through which partners discover new ways to be intimate.

In terms of health, he points out that a satisfying intimate life can have a positive effect on overall physical well-being, while also emphasizing the importance of protection against risks. According to him, self-esteem and psychological state are just as important for experiencing satisfaction as physical factors are.

Okoliyski also comments on the topic of romantic gestures and gifts, noting that any new additions should be in line with the attitudes and comfort of the partner. "Modern vibrators, which serve for clitoral stimulation, are a good option for an erotic gift for a woman, for example. She can try it first on her own, then involve her partner. For the man - she can suggest trying something new. A spa weekend is also very suitable, where both can stay alone, away from children or intruders," he pointed out.